The Prank
by Theisaryz Eufuelle
Summary: What would happen if Hades was the king of the gods, Zeus was the king of the sea and Poseidon was the king of the underworld? I'll tell you what happened. Tartarus happened. (The Prank aka. The OFFICIAL DoH sidestory/crack/bouts of randomness compilation that doesn't fit in Childhood Days and gets updated when the author gets a headache/block on the main story)
1. It starts with sticks

AN: Something I made at the wee hours of the morning because DoH is giving me a headache. Another side story, you could say. It's something that my brothers and I tossed around and made fun of. A 'what if' situation. My opinion on how Greece would be like if the big three switched places. It's going to be four parts and an epilogue.

* * *

Everything changed on the day the Universe was divided amongst the three brothers.

In the shimmering new palace of Mount Olympus, in front of the unoccupied throne of the king of the gods, the three sons of Cronus stood huddled in a circle. Zeus, the youngest of the siblings, held a bundle of sticks in his fist with trepidation, his eyes shifting between the two other gods in front of him. This was it. He closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath; he held it in for a few seconds before he released it slowly. When he opened them once more, there was a fire of determination shining within.

All three brothers reached for a stick in Zeus' hand. Zeus wasn't the only one anxious. Hades and Poseidon were also equally frightened. Each pinched a stick delicately, afraid that these fragile pieces of wood (that somehow determined the meaning of the rest of their existence) might break under their godly strength. This would be the will of the Fates. Whoever picked the longest stick would rule the heavens and the gods; the one who picked the mid-length stick would rule the middle ground; while the one who picked the shortest stick would rule the Underworld.

This was it. Their eternal lives would be forever defined by three measly sticks.

After one tense moment, Zeus slowly let go of the sticks, the ones not chosen falling and bouncing on the floor a little too loudly within the strained silence, revealing who picked what. When he surveyed his stick, his face morphed into a disappointed scowl. Hades looked at his stick with pleasant surprise while Poseidon let out a small, stifled shriek of horror.

Hades had the longest, Zeus the mid-length and Poseidon the shortest.

"The Fates had spoken," Hades said turning his stick to and fro, making sure he got the right one. Somehow he had a feeling that he got the wrong stick not that he was complaining.

"I'm the king of the seas?" Zeus' frown deepened. "I feel weird saying that."

Poseidon dramatically fell on his knees and wailed, "Will you stop complaining? Even though majority of your subjects are fish at least they're alive! What about me? I'm the king of the Underworld! God of the Dead! Me!"

Hades felt like he had to defend Poseidon's lot. "I'm sure it's not that bad brother. It wouldn't be included in the selection if there weren't any good points."

"Easy for you to say, you got the longest stick!" Zeus growled petulantly, eying Hades' lot with envy.

"Well, let us put our faith in the Fates brothers. Now that our father's realm is divided, we all have separate responsibilities to tend to. And Poseidon," Hades said looking at his despairing younger brother. "I will visit you often so you won't feel too lonely."

Poseidon stood up, looking a little bit appeased. "Thank you Hades," he breathed gratefully.

He nodded and declared triumphantly, "Now that the war is won, let us go our separate ways!"

"Wait. One last thing before we all go our own way," Zeus said with a mischievous smirk as he waved a hand on Poseidon's form. Poseidon's chiton changed from immaculate white to sheer black with gold accents. "There now you really look like the king of the dead."

A small sob escaped his lips as he surveyed his new clothing. "Zeus you idiot!" he screamed as he ran away, probably to find the nearest cave to either hide or enter his new domain or both.

Zeus clutched his middle. He was laughing so hard tears were starting to form in the corners of his eyes. When he gained enough composure that he was sure he won't topple over in the next minute, he turned to look at Hades.

Hades just shook his head, a small amused smile on his lips. "He's right you know. That was idiotic."

"But you have to admit it was amusing," he replied, nudging the too-serious elder with his elbow.

"Alright, alright. I admit it. It was amusing at the expense of our poor brother." Zeus let out another snicker. "But I'm afraid this is where we part. I hope things go well on your end." Hades extended a hand.

Zeus took his arm and returned the gesture of good will. "Yes, brother. Does this mean I have to call you Your Majesty now?"

Hades smiled. "There's no need for formalities between us."

"Will do. Bye Hades!" Zeus waved before he ran and jumped from their sky base, Mt. Olympus, and somehow maneuvered himself to dive perfectly into the sea below.

When Zeus had left, Hades turned to look at the chair behind him. It was his father's throne and now it was his. He traced the arm of the throne with the lightest of touch, his fingers slightly trembling in both anxiety and anticipation. The burden of ruling had fallen to him. It was bound to be heavy with a lot of responsibilities strung with it and he only prayed that he had enough strength to carry it all.

But he must because no one other than him could sit on the throne. Alone in the throne chamber, without a fuss or a fanfare, the newly appointed king of the gods sat on his golden throne with a resigned sigh which was immediately replaced by a resolute expression.


	2. Whirlpools and Dioramas

Hades sat on a desk, his head bowed and his eyes flying across the multitude of parchment strewn across the long formal dining table-like desk (which could seat fifty people) with a quill on one hand and a document on the other. He returned his sights to his writing; his lips turned down into a frown and his brows knit in concentration as the magical quill he held in his right furiously scratched across another blank roll of paper, never pausing or needing to re-ink.

The formal document, a progress report submitted by Hermes, on his other hand had begun to crumple under his resentful grip. He was writing, in a very polite and formal way, a malicious message filled with irate words. Though he dearly wished his hands could move quicker to record the typhoon of thoughts out of his head and onto the piece of paper.

The sound of unrelenting scratching was the first thing that greeted Hestia when she entered the study room through the third set of doors on the far side of the hall.

The study was twice as big as the Olympian throne room. Large windows were on the opposite side of the room, which would have provided ample light had the sun been up. But for now, the six large crystal chandeliers bolted on the intricate, Muse-designed ceiling sufficed. From the large paintings on the marble walls, to the elegantly carved mahogany bookshelves, to the gold and red-velvet plush chairs, down to the artfully designed marble floor, the entire room spoke volumes of the god who spent most of his time and preferred to do most of his thinking in this silent sanctuary than in the boisterous throne hall. For some reason, Hades had a taste for the opulent more than Zeus and Poseidon combined.

Hestia observed that this sound, coupled with the sight of him writing as if he were composing someone's death sentence hatefully, made a very tense and unfriendly atmosphere.

But the sour aura Hades donned didn't bother her as she silently approached him, turned so that she was positioned right behind his seat and wrapped her arms around his neck, causing the unsuspecting god to jump slightly. He was so absorbed in his activity that he never saw her approach even though she was in plain sight. "So what have you so preoccupied?" she asked with a cat like grin.

He paused (the poor smoking quill finally got the chance to breathe) and turned to the unannounced goddess. "Hestia? What are you doing here?" he asked nonplussed.

"I asked first. Are you writing yet another law?" She gazed at the chaotically arranged papers in front of him. Hades was always very organized. To see his table in such a state reflected his equally chaotic mood.

"As a matter of fact, I am," he replied with a sigh, his tense form relaxing. He leaned back on his plush chair and drew his right arm across his tired eyes. Though he still hadn't softened his grip on the quill, the other hand containing the documents slumped on the table. He looked utterly exhausted.

"And these new laws are for whom? The mortals or our brothers?" she asked rather flippantly as she grabbed the papers he was clutching in his limp grip. It was a report almost two hundred pages long detailing a certain god's misadventures in the Upperworld (it even gave specific dates and times). If Hestia didn't know better, she would think that Hermes was stalking this god obsessively to compose such a comprehensive report. Then again, most of these mishaps weren't that much of a secret.

Hades groaned and simply let his head fall face down on his folded arms on the table with a defeated thud. "It's for Zeus," was his muffled, unenthusiastic answer.

"Hmm. Zeus is it?" She read the article in her hand, looking at what their resident troublemaker had done once again. After a couple of minutes of silence, barring the sound of pages flipping, she burst out laughing.

"It's not funny," he said exasperatedly, his head still buried in his arms.

"It's hilarious!" She giggled, trying (and absolutely failing) to stifle her chortles.

"I'm the one who has to deal with the repercussions!" He turned his head to peek at her, narrowing his eyes as he watched her laugh. Though her mirthful face was adorable to see, he petulantly resented the fact that she was finding amusement from his source of agony.

"Have you seen the last part?" He suddenly straightened up, banging a fist on the table in utter frustration. "Do you know what reason he gave me for causing five consecutive whirlpools, sinking the merchant ships from Egypt, which were supposed to fuel The Expansion? Boredom!" He punctuated his statement with another bang on the table as his grip on the poor innocent quill tightened.

"Boredom of all things! What kind of reason is that? I would rather he was drunk! And his whirlpools also caused massive casualties on the shores of Hellas, giving Poseidon a headache, which gives _me _a headache! I swear this is the last time I'm cleaning up his mess. If he messes up one more time, I'm not moving! See if I care."

"You always say that." The red head goddess smiled, her orange eyes twinkling as she leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek while her hands traveled to massage his tense shoulders. "And you always take it back anyway."

He sighed tiredly, his lips curving into a smile while his shoulders relaxed under her gentle ministrations. "I may be a god but both Poseidon and Zeus are running me ragged. Do you know how hard it is to be bombarded by mortal pleas because of something Zeus did?"

Hestia sat on the armchair and slid her hands down around his neck again, her cheek resting against the top of his head, before she stole a glance at the parchment he was busy writing on a few moments ago. "And that is why you are composing a rant and a law at the same time, something about being able to cast whirlpools in a specific area? Honestly, that's very roundabout of you. Why don't you let me handle him?"

"Are you sure?" He frowned. Talking to Zeus was like talking to a brick wall hence he would rather write him an official complaint than confront him face to face and rant at him in which case he might just lose his temper.

She giggled and tapped his chest playfully. "Please. Do you really think he's going to read your 'law'? Besides, this is not your forte. You deal with external affairs while I deal with all internal affairs remember?"

It was in moments like these that Hades was truly grateful for this goddess' existence. She always knew what to do without his explicit instructions. She could read him like a book with a mere eye contact. She was his true right arm, the other pillar of support that the whole pantheon could rely on, the one he could always rely on.

In a show of gratitude, he clasped one of her hands, intertwining their fingers, and brought it to his lips. "If you please, that would be helpful. Right now I really must pay attention to Zeus and Poseidon's children. I must say I have been quite impressed of their performance and prowess." With a wave of his hand, the papers on his desk arranged themselves on the shelves all around the study. The long table itself transformed and morphed into a large circular diorama of the world, which showed the progress of his latest project – The Expansion – in real time.

"Yes, our nephews are quite impressive aren't they?" she mulled, her eyes wandering to the battalions of soldiers, who were led by the demigod generals, resting and changing watch for the night. "A few instructions here and there and look at how big Hellas has become."

He nodded with a satisfied smile. "Ares and Athena had been very cooperative with me. So far our pantheon's influence has shadowed all of Mesopotamia and still we continue to stretch east," he said, pointing to the western border of Asia. "But since the resources amassed from the conquered lands are enough for the current population, I think I should end this soon. If one builds a tower too high, it is inevitable that it will topple. The mortal kings are already having problems managing their new territory as it is."

Hestia nodded in agreement. "True, it is better not to be too greedy. To think this expansion project of yours started because Zeus complained about overpopulation!" She chuckled. "You have quite the unorthodox solutions."

"I don't see how this is unorthodox. His solution was unorthodox! Massacring the humans with a giant flood to decrease their number is hardly the answer. If there is an overflow of humans then all we need is more land for them isn't that right?"

"Quite, my king," she replied, bestowing another kiss on his cheek. That way they were also able to amass an unprecedented number of worshippers which fueled their existence and strength as deities, making the Greek pantheon the most powerful and well known in the entire west. "And speaking of Zeus, I believe I have an appointment with him."

She started to get up from her seat when suddenly her breath hitched as light enveloped her form, her aura growing more powerful before it faded back to normal. She sighed then looked fondly to the god beside her, "The mortal worship I receive grows more powerful every year because of you, your laws and your project."

"It's that time already?" Hades smirked. Of course he knew it was the night of her festival. He scheduled for every god and goddess to have a festival once a year so that they would never lose power. Of course his own festival was the most flamboyant (as flamboyant as New Year could be) thus reinforcing his power and position as king. Right now, as shown in the diorama, the humans have arranged enormous bonfires in every city capital to honor the goddess of the hearth, the queen of the gods. Even the battle weary soldiers took some time to build her an altar in their campsite.

She shook her head. "You know, laws are fine but I'm afraid you are turning it regimental bordering on dictatorial. I mean you have a morning and evening prayer, a noon prayer, a three o'clock prayer, a six o'clock prayer… you'll turn everyone into priests and acolytes at this rate."

"At least the mortals contribute something for our good," he groused, his pointed gaze suddenly landing on the miniature Mediterranean Sea.

"Don't be so hard on him," Hestia said following his sights. "He just requires attention every now and then."

He smirked before getting up and wrapping his arms lovingly around her waist. "But don't give him too much of your attention for I am a jealous and vindictive god," he quipped.

"Duly noted," she nodded playfully, bringing her hands around his neck and pulling him closer until their noses were almost touching. "On the flip side, you should also tend to Poseidon. With all these wars going on, you might want to see if he's still immortal."

Hades snorted and turned his head disdainfully. "He's the other headache. I'll visit him later after I get one more thing out of the way." He reluctantly took his hands off her then turned toward the nearest set of doors on the side of the study hall.

"Hermes!" he called.

At once, the swiftest son of Zeus, clad in white chiton and green chlamys, strode in confidently. When he was a few feet from the god king, he knelt down reverently and replied, "Yes, Lord Hades?"

"Rise," he ordered. "Give this to Hera," he said, rolling his written rant and handing it over to the messenger god.

"At once, my lord," Hermes replied tersely as he took the scroll and tucked it in his belt before departing in a blur.

"I thought that was for Zeus?" Hestia asked after a while.

"Please. Do you really think Zeus is going to read my 'law'?" he grinned, mocking her earlier statement. "And when Hera receives that letter, I wouldn't want to be Zeus."

"Tsk, you are positively devious!" Hestia threw her hands up in mock exasperation. "Oh did you pause to think where this genius move of yours would leave me? You wouldn't send me there to talk to Zeus. You would send me there to do damage control!" she huffed, crossing her arms. "I know I said I deal with internal affairs but you're making my job difficult. Didn't you think that I'd rather deal with a brick wall Zeus than deal with a raging Hera?"

"Look on the bright side," he offered, his mood considerably better than when she first arrived in the room.

"What bright side? There's no bright side," she complained with a bit of a pout.

Hades paused in thought before smirking. "…you're right. Zeus won't have a bright side for a while."

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AN: (scratches the back of my head nervously) Aaand suddenly it's serious...ahaha... I'll try to make the next chapter humorous. But seriously. Greece would be a whole lot different if Hades were the king of the gods. He and Hestia (at least in my world) make a great pair :D


	3. Husband and Wife

Music in gay and celebratory tunes played in the wealthy home of one of Argos' prominent political leaders. Inside the large stone house, beautiful women in yellow sheer chiton danced and twirled with their shawls in careless abandon, carried solely by the notes of the flutes played by handsome young men. Laughter and conversations of elegant and richly dressed people mingled in a dissonant crescendo like the busy buzz of a honeycomb. Wine was consumed like water while the roasted fattened calf and succulent fruits artfully arranged on the table in the center of the room quickly vanished in their merry communion.

Within all the joyous hymns, a lone goddess in the guise of a mortal woman sat on the corner of the room watching the celebration with a distant gaze. She was lying on her side on a chaise lounge, her arm braced on the back of the seat propped her head up. In her other hand was a wine goblet, its contents slowly swirling round and round as she continued to observe the supposedly happy occasion.

There was another woman in the room who shared her equally distant and blank gaze – the bride.

The goddess brought her wine chalice up towards the mourning bride as if in a toast and whispered almost sarcastically, "To your marriage: may you find the happiness in your husband that I never did." Once her blessing was spoken, she then downed the contents of her goblet, wiping the excess that dribbled on the corner of her lip.

_Marriage_, she thought, sighing internally. It was another word for bondage. The very goal of marriage was to control the woman and chain her down to the side of a man and turn her into something no better than a cow used for breeding.

At least that was what she used to think until Hestia proved her wrong.

Why did she have to be so unlucky to fall for such a god? And why did her husband have to be a male chauvinist? Hestia was only such a good and efficient queen because her husband actually relies on her to do things. They guarded each other's backs, their absolute trust in one another driving their rule to greater progress. Together, they have wrought the greatest pantheon the universe has seen – greater than the Golden Age of the Titans. Their reign was affectionately dubbed the Diamond Age of the Olympians.

In any case, her responsibility wasn't as heavy as Hestia. Who was she really? A mere queen of the dolphins married to the Sea King. As amusing as watching her subjects with the attention span of three seconds soundlessly open and close their mouths, they were still fishes. They don't make very good conversation unlike someone like her daughter Athena.

_Her daughter…_

Children were the only upside of marriage. Hera truly enjoyed the company of all her children regardless if they were hers or not. She had long accepted that Zeus would forever and always be a cheater and allowed him to bed women other than her. Like the uncontrollable sea, she couldn't hope to constrain her husband. So even if she couldn't stand the scent of another woman on him, she could only bite her lip and ride the waves. Eventually she learned that if she couldn't find happiness in her marriage then she would seek her happiness elsewhere, which happened to be her children.

But because of Hades' Expansion project, she couldn't even spend enough time with Athena or Ares. That was why she was lounging around a house in Argos, blessing a political marriage and getting drunk.

Suddenly a boy dressed like a merchant appeared before her, blocking her view of the festivities. She blinked and looked up to see who the intruder to her solitude was. With a courteous bow, the boy unlatched a scroll of parchment from his belt and humbly presented it to her. "Queen Hera," he whispered inconspicuously, his voice drowned by the noise of the crowd.

"Hermes," she replied, tipping her head slightly in acknowledgment before taking the document. "Who sent this message?"

"King Hades, Your Majesty." He nodded.

"I see. Thank you," she said, a minute frown forming on her lips. What could be so important that Hades would send such a thick scroll to her? She watched as Hermes discreetly dismissed himself, his form melting in the crowd. With a sigh, she got up and looked for a secluded area far away from the loud wedding ceremony where she could read the missive in peace.

Her searching brought her to the seashores of Hellas, the blue waters of the Aegean Sea lapping the white soft sand and rolling like a soft, soothing melody. She waited for Eos to herald Helios' coming and marveled at the changing colors of the water before she sat down on the gritty ground and opened the scroll. With every line she read, her face gradually transformed from indifferent to stormy to furious.

She could take cheating husbands. But her pride could never swallow indifferent and callous childishness. If Hades' accounts were correct then she and Zeus needed to talk. Big time.

888

Down in the underwater city of Atlantis, music also pervaded the palace of the sea king. The sirens and their beautiful songs brought meager entertainment for Zeus, barely even keeping his attention. He was thinking about his role as the ruler of the seas. So far there wasn't much to do because the sea had always been self-sufficient. There was no need for a government, and wars or conflicts or creatures intelligent enough to wage war on each other didn't exist. The only sentient residents of the sea were its deities such as the Nereids and river gods and they were already content with their lot, after all the sea was quite huge. It was entirely possible for every deity to isolate themselves from one another by occupying some obscure part of the sea, never needing to see each other.

Deprived of stimuli, he once tried to loiter around in Olympus hoping to find worthwhile people to bother but there was no one there. Hades was locked in his study with a 'do not disturb' barrier erected around the doors. Hestia meanwhile was also nowhere to be found; probably talking to some god or another in order to garner support for Hades' latest project (he always seems to have some ongoing project). And his children were busy around Hellas helping Hades…

So it turned out that loitering around like a ghost in the white halls of Olympus was worse for his sanity than staying underwater. And just like that, he ran out of options (because there was no way in Tartarus he was visiting Poseidon).

In other words, his life was so peaceful it actually bored him to tears.

In his opinion, he was more useless than Poseidon. His unofficial harem only brought temporary amusement to break the tedious repetition of everyday life. Every single day was exactly the same as the day before. And so, without anything else to do, he recently thought of interfering with Hades' Expansion project. (That and it was fun making maelstroms without apparent reason and watching ships plummet to the seafloor.)

Hades was garnering too much glory in his reign that it actually made him a bit envious. But he would rather plunge the Adamantine Sickle through his gut than actually admit out loud that Hades was a better leader than him. He was convinced that he could be just as good as him if only he felt like he wasn't stuck in time, like the days were repeating in a never ending cycle.

If only he didn't feel like a goldfish confined in a bowl.

Suddenly the doors to the hall opened, seizing the attention of all the occupants of Zeus' throne room. Hera strode in, the scroll in her hand was hitting her other palm repeatedly. She looked like a teacher about to reprimand a boisterous student for disrupting class. The Nereids, sensing the mood of their queen, quickly departed and left the monarchs alone. Their infamous temper tantrums weren't something the nymphs wanted to be caught in.

Hera marched right up until she reached Zeus' seat, pausing and narrowing her eyes, letting the silence grow thick to the point of suffocating. Without warning, she slammed the scroll on his stone armchair, the sound echoing like thunder and making Zeus jump.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she asked lividly.

"You've lost me. I don't know what you're talking about." He shrugged.

"I'm talking about you sabotaging Hades," she said, angrily jabbed her finger at his chest. "That was a very childish move, even for you."

Zeus looked at her, his voice steady as he asked, "Do you really think that was childish of me?"

"Of course." She crossed her arms and stated in such a way that it was obviously common sense. "I mean why did you even do such a thing?"

He fell silent as he bowed his head and covered his eyes in shadow. "Maybe because I don't want him to succeed," he whispered after a while.

Hera did a double take and surveyed her husband carefully, taking his form in from his slumped shoulders to his tightly clasped hands. She slowly knelt down and gently took his tense hands in one of hers. With the other hand, she reached up and tilted his head to meet her searching gaze fully. "What bothers you, my love?" she asked tenderly.

"If he succeeds then it means that he had proven me wrong. It means that my ways are the ways of the incompetent," he answered, his voice tinged with his hidden insecurities.

Hera ran the pad of her thumb across his cheek, trying to reassure him with her actions as she searched for the words to say to him. Zeus was always the picture of confidence. Even when he was wrong, he was steadfast in all of his decisions, believing that somehow everything would turn alright so long as he remained determined in his path. So long as he believed himself to be on the right side of things. He was stubborn that way.

But this was a side of Zeus that she hasn't seen before, a side where he doubts himself. He was feeling insecure of himself, believing that Hades was better than him as a leader. What could she say to him?

She slowly stood up and wrapped him in her embrace, praying that through this contact, she may be able to convey the necessary strength he needed. "Zeus," she said confidently. "You are a strong king who stands to rule a third of the universe. You are a leader and as such your path is not strewn with rose petals but with thorns and knives. Don't be disheartened by the success of others but instead we must learn from them. We must ponder what makes one decision or action better than the other. We must learn to evaluate both our successes and failures so that we may continue to grow as leaders."

She pulled away from him and brushed the hair from his rapt eyes. "And if the burden of leadership becomes too heavy on your shoulders, remember that I'm right here beside you, ready to catch you when you fall and hold you up again."

She smiled.

Zeus felt his breath catch in his throat. The twinkle in her eyes was unmistakable. Here was his fiery queen, giving him her warmth and strength and at the same time igniting his lost esteem. She was right, of course. There was no sense in moping around, acting depressed because Hades' choices and decisions were better. He could be just as good. And here was Hera, willing to help him achieve his goal. What had he done to deserve her?

She was being kind and gentle to him. When was the last time he had been kind to her? When was the last time that he wasn't screaming at her in a twisted way to get her attention and incite her fire and passion?

He pulled his queen to his lap and wrapped his arms tight around her as if he never wanted to let go, as if he wished that they could remain like that for all eternity. He buried his head in the nook of her neck, inhaling her comforting scent and reveling in her warmth.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice breaking with the sheer intensity of his emotions. "For always being here by my side no matter what."

Hera stiffened at first but after hearing his heartfelt words, her smile returned. She tenderly brought her arms around him and eagerly returned his embrace. She missed him. Oh how she missed him dearly. She savored these tender moments that seemed rarer than the rarest diamonds. Oh why couldn't they always remain like this? Why couldn't they let go of the screaming, the cursing, and the anger that wounded and turned their hearts to stone? If this was a dream, Hera prayed to Morpheus and Hypnos to never wake from this sweet intoxication.

"Because I love you," she whispered. "I always have and always will." And as she said so, she couldn't help the tears that started to form on the rim of her eyes.

"I love you too," he replied just as softly as if anything too loud, including their voices, would break this pure and beautiful moment. "I love you very much."

* * *

AN: I promise, this time for sure, the next chapter would be humor...


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